Tags
character, Ding, Father, Health, liar, lying, Mental Health, mistrust, parenting, personality, Psychiatrist, relationship, son, suspicious, Thought, trust, Truth, Yes (band)
A 26yr old, engineer boy (Mr. A) was brought to me (Dr. X) by his father (Mr. B) for complaint that his son has become a constant liar. Father is a retired chancellor of a reputed university of the country.
(After a brief interview with the father I told him to wait outside till my interview with his son)
Interview with son:
Psychiatrist: hello! Mr. A, I am Dr. X. How are you?
Mr.A: Hello Doc, I am fine. Thank you!
Psychiatrist: Mr. A, I think you must be knowing why you are here.
Mr. A: My father took me here. He thinks that I am telling lies frequently.
Psychiatrist: Is he right?
Mr. A: Yes, may be up to certain extent.
Psychiatrist: You are giving me laconic answers. Are you not certain about the answer?
Mr. A: I am certain, yes I do prefer lies, I am comfortable and skillful in this, so what? He is my mentor.
Psychiatrist: Will you please clarify me about this mentor stuff?
Mr. A: Listen doc, whatever I am today, I learnt to be so by my father. He has given me his experience and analysis regarding life, world and relationship. You can tell me that I am sort of his carbon copy.
Psychiatrist: You want to say that you are like him and surprisingly he is the one who brought you for further help. I am little confused. Will you please tell me that do you want to say that he is a liar too?
Mr. A: Everyone lies, he is not alien and I am not too.
Psychiatrist: Well, but do you know that he is really worried about your lying tendency.
Mr. A: Come on doc, everyone tell lies and my father is best in this business. This is not the problem.
Psychiatrist: OK, you want to say that telling lie is omnipotent and problem of your father with you is something else.
Mr. A: Yes, he has some other matter but same matter with me.
Psychiatrist: I am sorry but I did not get it. Will you please explain?
Mr. A: Doc! I feel pity for you that is why I am telling truth. See everything was fine till he was not involved in my lying circle but one day I started to lie to him. Things were going smoothly till he came to know that I am dating a girl of other caste and cheated him for some thousands of money.
Psychiatrist: Why you did this?
Mr. A: Because I love the girl and she loves me too but I know my father better than anyone else, he would never agree for this relationship. I am not in job and I need money but he insist me to earn the money by myself and that is why I took some money from him in the name of starting a business and someone told him all the true story behind the business. Now he is having threat of my lying tendency. He lost his money and his so called image is at stake because I am in love with a girl who belongs to a lower caste.
Psychiatrist: I am sorry to say but did you not felt any shame in fooling your own father?
Mr. A: Doc, precisely I did not.
Psychiatrist: You did not. You told me that you lied to your own father and you are not ashamed of it.
Mr. A: Yes, I am not and why should I? He is not a truth-worshipper. He likes to speak lies, I am witness of his thousand and one lies. I did not felt that he was ever embarrassed of telling lies in front of his small kid. I am just behaving in the manner of my father, he should be proud of me. I am giving him back what he likes the most and that is telling lies. He lied to each and every person, we know in common irrespective of the relationship status. He is the programmer and now he is unhappy of his own creation. He is sad to see his perfect carbon copy. Do you still want to blame me?
Psychiatrist: I can see the hand and influence of your father in development of your personality but do not tell me that you are still a kid or you have never understood your inappropriate conduct and behaviour. You could have followed the right path but you did not and now you are using rationalisation as your defence. You are not innocent too. You are showing your courage today to speak against your father but where was this courage earlier, why did not you rebel against the ideology and believe of your father earlier.
Mr. A: I agree doc but I think this has to come today, at least I gain the courage to accept my wrongdoings. Do you think that he will accept his fault?
Psychiatrist: Right now, I am worried about you. You should better quit lying, irrespective of what your father will do. If you really want to develop any good relation, nourish it with truth. Your truth will bring the great cohesive force of trust in your relationship. I hope I have delivered what you needed. Thank you!
Mr. A: Thank you! Doc, I will remember it.
Interview with father:
Mr. B: doc, what happened? Did he tell you why he did this to me, to his own father?
Psychiatrist: what he did?
Mr. B: What he did? He cheated on me. Did not he tell you the whole story?
Psychiatrist: He told me everything but you have not yet.
Mr. B: I do not understand what you are talking about. I have told you that he lied to me, to his own father and that too is a big lie.
Psychiatrist: Here you are giving the classification of lies. I guess you are master in subject of lying. Are not you?
Mr. B: Doc, I do not know, what he told to you? I am also not saying that I have never lied to anyone. Yes I lie, you must be lying sometimes but it did not mean that I am cheating my family members. Lying has become a need today, if I will stop lying I may have to suffer a lot. You know that.
Psychiatrist: NO, I did not know but trying to know, your thinking pattern. You have ingrained your ideas in mind of your son. Can you tell me that in what age your son lied first and what was that lie?
Mr. B: I do not know.
Psychiatrist: you do not know or you were OK with it.
Mr. B: Whatever you think. But I am hurt, he lied to me, I had faith on him, he disappointed me.
Psychiatrist: Mr. B, I am sorry to say but whatever you are getting today is just the fruit of tree you have planted long back. At that time you were happy to see the growth of it, you thought your boy will be able to play great tricks with the help of lies to other people and will be known as a smarter one but unfortunately he played that tricks with you too, now this is your problem. You would have felt pride if he would have cheated anyone else except you.
Mr. B : I could not see this, I think you are right, I thought without having the ability to lie he would not be able to excel in life but see what he did to me or more precisely what I did to him?. At this point of age I am feeling like a failure would feel and the same characteristics and value which I followed throughout my life, unfortunately I gifted to him who is the most valuable treasure of my life. I ruined my life and pushed him in path of failure too.
Psychiatrist: Mr. B, do not be sad, realisation of own mistakes brings correction and improvement in one’s life. Remember it is never too late to start a journey of truth and trust.
Interpretation :
Basically a question arises that what went wrong with the plan and upbringing style of Mr. B (father)?
Mr. B thought that his son (Mr. A) will use his teaching of lies only against other people and he will remain loyal to him but Mr. A learnt another lesson that he will present the lies to everyone whosoever came between him and his goal. He applied this rule to everyone irrespective of relationship.
Mr. B relied up on evil characteristic (lying) for temporary golden eggs of life but finally lose the whole battle of life. He proved true the old saying of “as you will sow so shall you reap”.
Mr. B forgot this universal rule that digging holes for others ultimately becomes the reason of fall in to that hole for the maker of hole.
Mastering the trust is the first stage of personality formation and Mr. B failed in successful completion of this stage and hence mistrust has occupied most of his personality. He lack trust in himself and hence never trusted others. Remember a relationship without trust is like a body without soul.