Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Miss a, 23 yr old, post graduate, Christian girl; working girl came to me with complaints of` irritable mood, decrease interest in activity of daily livings and highly distorted and decreased sleep. During interview she tried to sum up her feelings and appeared angry and irritable most of the time during interview. She reported me the break-up of her 5 yr old relationship with her boyfriend about a month back. The relationship was brought to an abrupt end by her boyfriend and this independent decision of her boyfriend caused the big damage for the girl, she is feeling abandoned and her confidence and self-esteem has decreased significantly. She is not able to understand and accept this unwelcome decision of her boyfriend. She is full of frustration and anger and wants to revenge for boys decision. Because I had only one person of a relationship so the chances of prejudice was there but I tried wholeheartedly to comprehend the relationship. I would like to share some important points of the interview and psychotherapy session.
Psychiatrist: How are you Miss A?
Miss A: I guess, I am not good at all. I am in great trouble. I need you to help me.
Psychiatrist: I would love to help you.
Miss A: I need your help not your love. I do not want to hear that word.
Psychiatrist: My intention was clear like my sentence but for your comfort let me tell you my feelings more simply, Miss A, I am here to help you. Sorry if I hurt you anyway.
Miss A: Doc! I am sorry, this is what happening with me, I am behaving in this ridiculous way to my near dear ones and I really do not want to, but my mood is just like that, I would say irritable is the right word.
Psychiatrist: Your mood is irritable. Can you tell me why you are feeling irritable?
I mean is there anything which is annoying you nowadays?
Miss A: Yes, Doc! I lost my love. He broke our relationship. Now he is not even ready to talk to me. I do not know, what is wrong happened?
Psychiatrist: Can you recall any wrongdoings from your side?
Miss A: No, Doc! Everything was fine. I do not know why he is reacting in this way? He could have told me, if unknowingly he had been hurt by me. We always used to discuss each and every matter of our daily routine irrespective of its significance in our life.
Psychiatrist: Well, you are saying that your boyfriend has broken your 5yr long relationship without any obvious reasons and he does not want to talk to you any further.
Miss A: (broke down and sobbed like a child…took little time to gain her compose) Yes, Doc! I am not able to figure out the reasons behind his this bizarre behavior.
Psychiatrist: Do you think that he was really in love with you?
Miss A: Yes, he was.
Psychiatrist: You are saying that he really loved you. Are not you?
Miss A: I do not know. I do not know Doc. How can he behave in such an absurd manner? What is wrong with him? I can’t believe this.
Psychiatrist: You believe it or not but as you told me this is what happening to your relation. I know this is really difficult to digest but you have to analyse and understand the whole situation to get an insight in to this.
Miss A: Doc! I loved him and he cheated me. He makes me fool.
Psychiatrist: Miss A, if he has taken such a critical step, he would have a solid reason for his this decision. Do not you think so?
Miss A: Doc! Do you think that this is the way one should behave after 5yr of relationship? I helped him at every possible place through every possible ways and look his pattern of repaying me. But he underestimated me I am not 18 century helpless girl, I will teach him a lesson he will never forget. He can’t play with my feelings like this. He will have to suffer for this; I will impose a penance on him.
Psychiatrist: Miss A, Did you really love him?
Miss A: What a nonsense? Are you sleeping or under influence of hashish or something? I told you about our 5yr long love affair and you are asking me the same.
Psychiatrist: Miss A, I am totally conscious, do not have any doubts. I am listening you loud and clear and with whole my heart. OK, tell me what is love?
Miss A: Doc! What is this? You are not a philosopher. Are you?
Psychiatrist: No, I am not but will you please stop being judge-mental and help me, so that I can help you. Now will you please tell me what love is?
Miss A: OK, if you really want me to tell you, then listen, for me love is a bond and agreement between two people that they will care for each other, they will respect each other, and they will stand at same side no matter what ever the conditions.
Psychiatrist: OK, will you please tell me under oath that did you face the situation where your boyfriend asked you for little freedom and individual space?
Miss A: Yes doc! It happened, but it happens to every couple. I did nothing wrong, now do not tell me freedom and all crap is the reason behind his decision.
Psychiatrist: OK, if you say this is not the reason then tell me what would be the reason?
Miss A: I told you earlier that I do not know. But I will look in to it; I am not going to forgive him for this.
Psychiatrist: Are you atheist?
Miss A: Doc! I am already disturbed now will you please stop asking such incongruent questions? Why do not you focus on my problem?
Psychiatrist: I am highly focused, you do not worry. You just answer my question.
Miss A: I am not an atheist. I am a Christian, I believe on Jesus. I read bible every day. Is it enough for you?
Psychiatrist: Miss A, I know, you are not comfortable with my questions but please believe me they are very important for me to completely comprehend your situation.
Miss A: Ok, Doc! I believe you. Now please tell me why you asked me these questions? How they are related with my situation?
Psychiatrist: Miss A, you told me love is a bond, an agreement. This appears to me as language of law. Love is totally missing in it. Do you know the bible view on love?
Miss A: Doc! I am feeling like I am in hell, I am burning in feeling of revenge and you are discussing Bible and Jesus with me. Do not you think this is not the right time?
Psychiatrist: Miss A, water is most required at the place of fire. Bible is needed right now for you. This is the time to introspect. This is the time to have a look into your own personality.
Miss A: What you want to say? Why do not you say it clearly?
Psychiatrist: I will say, I just need your total presence, here and now. I am waiting for you to get a calm and receptive state otherwise you will miss the pearls.
Miss A: Doc! I know you will help me. Why would you harm me? Obviously you are not my enemy.
Psychiatrist: Miss A, I do not think that you ever loved that boy because you are unaware of love. Yes, you were in an agreement that has been broken by your partner and that is why you are so furious and disappointed. Let me ask you the same question again, what is love according to your religion?
Miss A: I do not know.
Psychiatrist: But you told me that you read Bible every day.
Miss A: Yes, but I do not know.
Psychiatrist: According to Christianity  “ Love is God”. Love has been considered the greatest emotional state. The whole message of Jesus was to develop the feeling of love among mankind for each and everyone irrespective of caste, creed, social status and nationality.
Miss A: Doc! What you want to say, I am really not getting anything. You told me that Love is god. I know that so what.
Psychiatrist: I will need your attention and silence for little more time to tell you the most important advice you really in need now. Miss A, you told me that you know that Love is God. I will tell you that you have read it but you have never understood it. Miss A love is god and you should never complaint god. God is not your enemy.
Miss A: God is not my enemy but that boy has proven that he is my enemy. I cannot forgive him.
Psychiatrist : Miss A, I can empathize you, I know you are going through a very difficult time but let me tell you that one who really was in love, can never hate the person he or she was in love. You want to harm your boyfriend that is a strong indication of immaturity of your relationship with that boy. Beyond that if you want to tell me that the boy is your enemy and you told me that you are religious and a theist. Let me remind you the saying of Jesus “Love your enemy”.
Miss A: But Doc! Do you want to say that the act of boy is right? And I am at fault.
Psychiatrist: Miss A, I do not want to say anything like that, I just want to tell you that love is not a business where you maintain your balance sheet of profit and loss. Love is not about what you gain, it is all about being in love, doing what you can do in love, spontaneously, not driven by any motives. You can’t love anyone with your planning, love is a happening. It happens to you and surrounds you completely and you become god in moments of love.  The God who knows love and love only. Miss A, you do not say that you know love otherwise you will miss the love for always. You must be aware and wait for its happening, so that you can grab it. I hope you would understand my advice. I will wait for your feedback. Thank you!
Miss A: Doc! I would not say that I did not understand anything of your advice but to see, accept and analyze once own illusion is a cumbersome act. But I want to thank you for enlarging my view on love and challenging me to introspect. I hope your advice will help me to cope with the situation. Thank you!